


Our Beginning

by taitofan



Category: Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Coming Out, First Relationship, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-15 08:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taitofan/pseuds/taitofan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Randy hadn't meant for anyone to find out that he liked Julian, but it took less than a day for the whole school to know.  Now the tenth-grade ninja has to deal with having a boyfriend, a best friend who isn't thrilled with his choices, and the reemergence of a few faces he'd rather forget...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It all started with a series of mistakes.

A misstep here, a flubbed jump there.  Small things, but mistakes that could prove costly in battle nonetheless.  Sure, there was no more Sorcerer to worry about, but a ninja’s work was never done in Norrisville.  That meant that Randy Cunningham, a little over one month into his sophomore year, couldn’t afford to be messing up so frequently.

He’d thought long and hard about why this was happening, and the best he could come up with was that he was… distracted.  _But_ , the only thing he could think of that could be distracting him, well, that just wasn’t possible.  Nope, no way, no how.  There was _definitely_ not a classmate of his who kept showing up, preoccupying him with their very presence.  Because that would mean a few things that he really wasn’t ready to deal with.  So he’d gone to the Nomicon instead, seeking its guidance.  What he got, as usual, left him more confused than anything.

“The Nomicon said, ‘ _The source of your distraction is your key_.’  What the juice does that even mean?”

“How should I know?”  Honestly, Randy hadn’t really expected Howard to have any ideas, but sometimes his best friend surprised him.  Alas, it appeared that this wasn’t one of those times.  “…Wait, it said, _your_ key, not _the_ key?”

“Yes, and?”

Howard looked thoughtful for a moment before shrugging.  Randy groaned, though he couldn’t stop thinking that Howard was onto something.  He’d thought the same thing after the Nomicon had released him.  The wording made it seem more personal, but again, _no way_.  If the Nomicon was suggesting what he thought it was, it could just forget it.  His distraction wasn’t—

And that was the moment Randy got a brilliant idea.

“Howard, I need you to watch my battles closely.  Like, really closely.  Maybe _you_ can see why I’m messing up!”

That was it—maybe he just needed a fresh perspective.  Howard could help him, even if he didn’t understand the Nomicon anymore than Randy himself did.  It was the _perfect_ plan!

“…Only if you buy me chili fries after every fight.”

“Deal.”

\---

“Alright Cunningham, I’m starting to see the reason you’re being such a shoob.”

They were sitting in Charlie Clucker's Chicken Bucket, Randy having just destroyed the latest McFist robot sent after him—and here he’d thought the Sorcerer being gone would stop that nonsense!—and Howard eating his promised snack.  It had been two weeks and six orders of chili fries, and Randy was very relieved to hear those words.

“That’s great!  So lay it on me—what’s my problem?”

Howard took his time answering, eating a fry, taking a drink, looking around…  It seemed as if he was making sure they were alone, but Randy wasn’t really sure why.  The only way anyone was hearing them was if they started yelling like shoobs.  Of course they were away from everyone when they were talking about ninja business!  What could Howard have to say that needed to be kept a secret more than _that_?

“Well, I was looking at everything, right?  And nothing seemed to stay the same.  Where you were fighting, the weather, the time of day—all different.  So I started looking at the crowd.”  _Oh no_.  “And I didn’t see anything strange.”  _Oh thank ninja_.  “…Except Julian was always around.  Like, _always_.”

“J-Julian?”  Now it was Randy’s turn to glance around nervously.  Someone finding out he was the ninja?  Bad news.  But someone hearing that he was the ninja and _Julian_ was distracting him?  Worse news ever.  “Why would Julian be distracting me?  Come on, that’s just crazy!”

Except it _wasn’t_ —every time he so much as looked Julian’s way lately, he found himself staring and wondering why the other boy looked so _fascinating_ all of a sudden—and that was the really crazy part.  Howard was supposed to notice something else, not confirm what Randy had tried to deny!  Now he couldn’t even deny it anymore!

Well, not to himself at least. To Howard?  Hell yeah he could.

“Cunningham,” Howard grumbled through a mouthful of fries, “why the juice should I have any idea why you have some weird crush on Julian?”

“Crush?”  He laughed, but even to his own ears, it sounded completely forced.  “What makes you think I have a crush on Julian?”

Howard gave him a look that clearly said, “ _Don’t treat me like an idiot you lovesick shoob_.”  Randy thought it was a little amazing that Howard could say so much with one disapproving stare.

“If just the sight of the annoying creepy goth boy whose evil side almost murdered you last year is almost getting you killed, either he scares you or you’ve got the hots for him.  And since the Nomicon said Julian, your “distraction,” is your key, I’m betting it’s that last one.”  Howard laughed and ate another fry.  “ _Julian_ , your closest key.  Of all the guys it could have been…”

Randy felt a surge of irritation and protectiveness run through him.  Even if he hadn’t had some kind of thing for Julian—he really didn’t want to say it was a crush, oh cheese, not a _crush_ —he knew the poor kid had gone through enough already.  Julian didn’t need Howard making cracks about him being annoying on top of everything else.

“Okay, first off, Julian is _not_ creepy and annoying—”

“Says the guy with the hots for him.”

“—and just because he doesn’t freak me out doesn’t mean I like him.  That’s insane!”

“What’s insane is _you_ liking _Julian_ ,” Howard insisted, waving a fry at him for emphasis.  “I mean, come on.  You’re the reason he went all crazy, got an evil twin, and got stuck in the Land of Shadows.  He has no reason to like you.  Why not like a guy who might actually like you back?  I think you’d have a better chance with Doug.”

Randy ignored the fact that Howard was right about it being his fault—and unfortunately the Nomicon had already taught him that he was still responsible even when the ideas had been Howard’s—and shivered at the very thought of him and Doug.  No.  _No way_.  And this time, he really meant it.

“Um, ew.  Please, never ever say anything like that about Doug ever again.”  He paused, realizing something very odd about his friend.  The friend who never missed an opportunity to tell Randy what he felt in the bluntest manner possible.  “…You’re being awfully okay with this whole hypothetical ‘ _me liking a guy_ ’ thing.”

“And there you are, admitting it.”

“No, I’m _not_ ,” Randy groaned.  He was getting frustrated and didn’t notice as his voice began to raise.  “I’ve just realized that I’ve shoobed up Julian’s life enough and don’t want to hurt him anymore this year.  That has nothing to do with me having some kind of secret feelings for Julian!  I mean, it’s not like I think about him a lot and end up staring at him without realizing it during class.  And I totally don’t think he’s attractive or that his laugh is endearing.  And don’t get me started on how much I don’t love that thing he does with his hand when he giggles—”

“Might want to turn the volume down,” Howard interrupted, frowning and sweeping his hand out to the side. “I think only half the school knows you’re gay for Julian now.  Say anymore and the _whole_ school will know.”

While it was an overstatement, Randy was horrified to see everyone in the restaurant staring at him.  Especially when Debbie and Theresa were among them.  Theresa looked ready to cry, and Debbie—oh, of all the people to hear!—looked positively ecstatic.  Oh, so not bruce.

“W-wait, I said I _don’t_ do those things!”

Debbie ignored the weak protest and whipped out her phone.  Before Randy could do or say anything, he heard the worst possible thing.

“Heidi!  I’ve got the juiciest news!  Randy Cunningham just told your brother about his forbidden love for Julian!  …Yeah, the goth kid with the hat.  Why yes, I _can_ get him on the phone.  Give me three seconds.”

“Howard,” Randy whispered, wondering if he could make it to the door before being accosted, “we need to leave.  _Now_.”

“I’m still eating!” Howard hissed back, shoving a few more fries in his mouth and decidedly _not_ leaving.  And sure enough, it was already too late.  Debbie was at their table, shoving her phone against Randy’s ear.

“Sandy!”  Heidi’s voice could be heard from the phone.  Randy wanted to die—if Heidi knew the things he’d said, the whole school was going to know soon.  That meant Julian was going to know.  And _that_ meant that Randy was going to get turned down by a crush that he hadn’t even admitted to having for five minutes.  “Debbie tells me you just very publicly confessed your love for another boy.  Anything you’d like to say to that?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, staring down at the table so he wouldn’t have to see Debbie’s grin or Howard’s smug face. “I’d like to say that my name is _Randy_ , and the rest of that is none of your business.”

“So it’s true?”

“No!”  He wondered how she got a confirmation out of what he’d said.  Then again, he supposed that pleading the fifth did seem to sound like an admission of guilt most of the time.  “I mean, well, yes, it might have sounded like that, but no. I didn’t confess to anything.”

“Cunningham, the jig is up,” Howard all but yelled, obviously wanting his sister to hear him through the phone.  “Just tell my sister you have the hots for Julian so Debbie Kang will leave us alone.”

“Howard,” he snapped, lifting his head up to glare at his friend, “I’m not telling anyone that I’m in love with Julian, so stop it.”

“Oh, this is great,” Heidi all but squealed.  “I have everything I need for the greatest story!  Thanks Andy!”

“It’s _Randy_.”  The sound of a dial tone was all the response he got.  He sighed and put the phone back in Debbie’s awaiting hand.  She ran back to Theresa—who Randy was relieved to note no longer looked sad, just contemplative—looking as if she’d just uncovered the greatest scoop of her life.  It was beyond irritating.  Was this even newsworthy?  “What the juice is your sister blabbing about?  How did I give her anything for a perfect story?  I didn’t admit to anything except that I admitted to nothing!”

“Something tells me she’s going to cut around what you said and it will be all over her show tomorrow.”

It was that moment that Randy realized the order he’d said certain words in.  A certain L-word in particular.

“…This is so honkin’ unfair.”

“Hey, if you’d just admitted that you have a weird crush on the weirdest guy in school, none of that would have happened, so don’t go blaming anyone but yourself.  Besides, what’s really unfair is that I just helped you, and I’m almost out of chili fries.”  He turned the container upside down and shook it impatiently.  “I think I deserve more, don’t you?”

Randy only smacked his face against the table and groaned pitifully.

\---

The next morning, Randy immediately knew that he wasn’t getting through the day without a few awkward conversations.  His fears were all but confirmed when Heidi’s show started up all over the campus, with even more people tuning in throughout the city.  With as many people that were obsessed with that show, he’d be lucky if his _mother_ didn’t know by the end of the day.

“Hey everyone, H-dub in the house!  Today I have a totally inspirational story of a boy who loves another boy _so much_ that he loudly and publically declared it in the middle of Charlie Clucker's Chicken Bucket.  Norrisville High’s very own Randy Cunningham has been bitten by the lovebug!”  A clip played then, and sure enough, Heidi had edited it so only ‘ _I’m in love with Julian_ ’ could be heard.  The students around him began to whisper, and Randy wished he could just sink into the ground.  And to think, the one time Heidi got his entire name right…  “And now, here are some eyewitness accounts!”

“I don’t think he meant for anyone to hear, but he was really caught up in saying how cute Julian is.”  The prerecorded image of Debbie shrugged.  “I mean, I guess if the goth look is your thing…”

Randy frowned.  The goth look wasn’t his _thing_.  If it had been, Julian would have caught his attention when they were children.  It just so happened that Julian still dressed that way, and now he _did_ have Randy’s attention.  Which was something absolutely no one needed to know, and yet, there he was, surrounded by people hearing his business.  At least that had only been Debbie, not someone like—

“Cunningham will try to deny it, but I was the one he was talking to.”  Howard was standing in his living room in the video, which lead Randy to believe Heidi had shot this as soon as they’d gone home.  He glared at the real Howard, who ignored him and watched the TV screen.  “And let me tell you, he has it _bad_.  I mean, who goes on about how cute someone’s _giggling_ is unless they have the hots for them?  No one, that’s who.  And I’ve known Cunningham since we were three.  I know when something’s up with him.”

“Howard!”

“What?  I do!”

“Oh.  My.  Squee!”  Rachel’s clip showed her clapping her hands together and bouncing on her toes.  “They’re so cute together!  I hope they start dating!  So adorbs!”

“…Wait, was Rachel even there yesterday?”

“Nope.”

“Um, well…”  Theresa looked nervous to be on camera, but she smiled shyly.  Randy felt his heart beat a little faster at the sight of her, but it was nothing like it had been during his freshman year.  He still liked her, but…  It just didn’t feel the same anymore.  Now he felt that wild beating in his chest when he looked at Julian, and he couldn’t even pinpoint exactly when that had happened.  It just _had_.  “It’s great that Randy is comfortable admitting that he likes another boy.  I’m…  I’m proud of him.  I hope it all works out.”

“Hey, she’ll probably still be your girlfriend if Julian rejects you.”

“Will you just please stop talking?” he muttered, secretly wishing that Bash would come along and shove him into a locker just so he wouldn’t have to listen to Heidi’s show _or_ her brother anymore.

“Oh, and why’s that?”  Howard asked, that smug look back on his face.  “Want to hear my sister go on and on and what a brave gay kid you are?”

“I’m not gay!” he cried, throwing his hands into the air.  “I still like girls!”

“Fine, bi, whatever.”  Howard waved him off, and Randy couldn’t argue that time.  He _was_ bisexual, and the stupid Nomicon had been right.  Julian had been his key.  Sometimes he hated that the Nomicon was always right.  “She’s still trying to turn you into an inspiration for the school.  I know, I saw her script.”

“I don’t want to be an inspiration,” he sighed, slumping against his locker.  “No one was even supposed to know!  I didn’t even want to admit it to _myself_ until yesterday.  I don’t know what came over me…  You just started ragging on Julian and it was like I couldn’t help but defend him.  Man, this is all so wonk…”

“Then you’re really, truly saying that you one hundred percent have a crush on Julian, our classmate?”

“Fine,” Randy admitted, not wanting to deal with any of this anymore.  “You win, yes.  That is _exactly_ what I’m saying.  Somehow, after everything that happened, I got a crush on Julian.”  He paused, straightening up and giving Howard a suspicious look.  “Wait.  Why?  Why did you say it like that?  Please tell me Julian isn’t standing behind me.”

“Okay—Julian isn’t standing behind you.”

That didn’t inspire any confidence in Randy.

“Now, did you say that because he _isn’t,_ or because I told you to say that?”

“Because you told him to say that.”

A familiar voice coming from behind him answered, and Randy flew around to see the smiling face that had been on his mind way too much lately.  Oh, right.  How could he be so stupid as to forget that Julian had the locker directly to his left that year?  This whole fiasco was showing that the answer was: Pretty stupid.

“J-Julian!  How long have you been there?”

Julian giggled—and he did that _thing_ with his hand, argh, how was this boy so _charming_?—and smiled at Randy.

“Around the time Howard’s sister played that clip of you saying you loved me.”  While he didn’t seem disgusted or upset about that, Randy still couldn’t believe that his situation would end in anything but disaster.  Howard was right—there was no reason for Julian to like him in any sort of romantic way.  “Perhaps it would be best if we had a little chat.  Alone.  Possibly at lunch?”

Julian looked over Randy’s shoulder to Howard, and Randy followed suit, shooting his friend a pleading look.  He remembered what had happened the last time Howard faced the prospect of eating lunch alone…

“Don’t give me that look, Cunningham,” Howard answered after a few moments, completely ignoring Julian.  “I don’t want to be around to hear you talk about your feelings and have to see you cry when you get humiliated.  I’ll find some other shoob to eat with, just for today.”

Randy nodded and turned back to Julian, who seemed to be even closer now.  Was it just him, or was Julian’s smile even wider?  No, it had to be a trick of the light.

“Um, alright,” he agreed with a nod.  “At lunch, sure.”

“Oh, excellent!”  Julian clapped his hands together, and Randy found himself wishing that he hadn’t treated Julian so badly in the past.  Why hadn’t he just listened to that story about his love of magic?  Why did he ditch him in that ice maze?  Why hadn’t he appreciated Julian before he’d gone and ruined his chances?  “Then I’ll see you at lunch.  Well, I’ll see you before that, but I’ll talk to you at lunch.  Though I suppose we might talk before then…”

“Okay, right, lunch, see you there, bye!”

He snatched his books and sprinted off, faintly hearing Julian saying goodbye to him as he made his hasty exit.  He just couldn’t stand it anymore.  Why was Julian still being so nice?  Just so he could get his public revenge at lunch when he turned him down?  No, Julian wouldn’t do that.  That thing with Der Monster Klub had been about the meanest Julian got, and even that had been done with good intentions.  Maybe Julian just didn’t realize that the wait was just hurting him more?  The sooner Julian told him to get lost, the sooner he could start trying to convince himself to fall back in love with Theresa.

“Smooth Cunningham,” Howard laughed as he caught up, looking far too amused by everything going on. “Real smooth.  Just run away like a scared little shoob.”

“Howard?”

“Yeah?”

“ _Shut up_.”

\---

When Randy got to lunch, he already wished he could go back in time and stop himself from ever asking Howard to help him.  He could just go on denying that he’d somehow become attracted to Julian, and no one would be coming up to him and telling him he was brave or laughing at him or giving him dirty looks or wishing him good luck…  He’d gotten every response he could think of in just a few hours and he didn’t like any of them.

“Well, there’s your lover boy.”  Howard’s voice snapped Randy back to attention, and sure enough, Julian was sitting near the back of the cafeteria at a small table, waving to him.  Randy shoved some money into Howard’s awaiting hand and headed off towards Julian, not in the mood to eat anything himself.

“Hello Randall,” Julian greeted as he got closer.  He noticed that Julian didn’t have any food either.  Was he nervous too?  What reason did Julian have to be nervous?  All he had to do was turn him down!  “I’m so relieved to finally speak with you.  So many of our classmates are suddenly quite interested in talking to me.  They all want to know if we’re dating yet.”

“And did you tell them to mind their own honkin’ business?”  Because that was definitely his response to everyone.  But Julian giggled and shook his head.

“Why, of course not.  I told them ‘ _not officially_.’  Though we both share a mutual attraction, we can’t exactly be dating if neither of us has asked the other out.”  Randy could feel his jaw dropping with every passing word.  Wait, _what_?  “Randall, are you quite alright?  You don’t look well.”

“Mutual attraction?” he managed to spit out after a few moments.

“Yes?”  Julian looked very confused all of a sudden, and Randy felt like the biggest tool in the school.  He’d been so convinced by what Howard said that he’d completely ignored how Julian had acted that morning.  He was acting happy, because he _was_ happy.  Because he liked Randy too.  Holy cheese _Julian liked him too_.  “You didn’t think I _dislike_ you, did you?”

“I, ah, haven’t exactly been very nice to you in the past,” he admitted, not really knowing what he was feeling anymore.  This was all happening so fast!  “I mean, I sort of caused a lot of problems for you last year.  Howard said you had no reason to like me, and I believed him.”

“Well there is your problem.”  Julian’s smile dulled considerably at the mention of Howard.  This was one reaction Randy had no trouble understanding.  “Please don’t listen to Howard when it comes to me.  I can assure you that he does not understand someone such as myself, nor do I confess to understanding him.  I’ve had a… fondness for you for a long time, Randall.  A very long time.  A few mishaps that you fixed in the end anyway won’t change that.”

Randy was about to ask how long “a very long time” was, when his brain realized that there was a slightly more pressing statement in there.

“That _I_ fixed…?”  Julian’s hand flew to his mouth, as if he just realized what he’d insinuated.  That, in turn, made Randy freeze.  Did Julian…?  No, he couldn’t!  This time, he really couldn’t!  “W-what do you mean…?”

“Perhaps we should go somewhere more private…”  Randy glanced around, only to see that they had an audience.  No doubt people wanting to see if they ended up together, like some gay science experiment.  And, of course, no one looked as excited for that answer as Debbie.  No doubt, she and Heidi would both have the latest scoop on this, airing bright and early the next day.  Even if they went somewhere else, Randy was pretty sure they’d be followed.  Unless…

“Julian,” he said much more loudly then was necessary to get the cafeteria’s attention, standing up from his chair and walking to Julian’s side.  He took Julian’s hands within his own, and while he was doing this for show, he was still doing this for real too.  Even if he knew what the answer would be, it was a little nerve wrecking.  He’d never asked anyone out before, and this crowd certainly didn’t help.  But he had to talk to Julian, and if Debbie followed them, it could be a disaster.  Dealing with her thinking he was the ninja _once_ was more than enough for him.  “I know I’ve been a total shoob to you, but I’ve realized how wrong I was and how important you are to me.  So if you can forgive how wonk I’ve been lately, maybe you’d go out with me…?”

All around them, students whispered.  Some sounded grossed out, some thought this was sweet, he was pretty sure he heard Howard mutter about how cheesy that was, that oh-em-squee was definitely Rachel, and more than a few unknown voices seemed to think this was all an act to get attention.  Well, they were kind of right, but not in the way they were thinking.  But Randy couldn’t pay any of them much mind, because Julian squeezed his hands and nodded.

“Oh Randall, I’ve longed to hear you ask that…”  His voice sounded a bit thick, and Randy hoped he didn’t cry.  He was pretty sure fixing that eyeliner Julian always wore took a while.  But Julian just smiled brightly and nodded.  “Of course I will.”

There were cheers and jeers, but this time Randy didn’t hear a single one.  Julian looked as happy as Randy felt.  Why had it taken so long to realize how much this boy meant to him?  Why couldn’t they have ended up here without evil Julian almost enslaving the earth and Julian getting stuck in the Land of Shadows and Randy needing to live with the fact he could have stopped it but didn’t—

Oh.   _Right_ .  He’d made this so public for a reason.

“Come on,” he whispered, tugging Julian to his feet.  “I think we can get away now.”

Julian nodded and followed as Randy began to leave the cafeteria, keeping one of his hands in Randy’s.  Randy felt his cheeks flush ever so slightly as they walked past the other students.  This was going to be everywhere before the day was through, and everyone would know Randy had taken Julian off somewhere private after making a spectacle of asking him out. The rumors were going to be _ridiculous_ …

But at least no one was going to find out he was the ninja.  That was something, he supposed.

Randy lead them to an unused classroom, still not completely rebuilt from a monster attack the previous year.  He was pretty sure the monster in question had been a stanked Julian, but he wasn’t about to bring that up with his present company.  He doubted Julian even remembered doing it.  It was rare for anyone to remember their emotional rampages, and Julian had been one of the most stanked students that year.

Another wave of guilt washed over him.  How many times had Julian’s fear been caused—or at least worsened—by him?  Or him listening to Howard?  Too many.  He still couldn’t really believe that Julian hadn’t rejected him, longstanding crush or not.  It must have been pretty major for Julian to keep it after all that had happened since high school started.

The thought made Randy smile.  Julian really liked him…  If only he’d realized how he felt sooner…

“Randall?  May we talk now?”  Randy nodded and let go of Julian’s hand to sit at one of the unbroken desks.  Julian followed suit, sitting beside Randy so they could see each other.  He looked thoughtful for a few moments, then nodded to himself, as if he’d come to a decision.  “I know you’re the ninja.”

He should have denied it, he knew.  Even with the Sorcerer out of the picture and McFist only occasionally sending out robots when he was in a bad mood, there were still weird things in Norrisville.  Howard got into enough danger as it was, and if Julian knew, he’d be at risk too.  But then again, hadn’t Julian already been through more than anyone but him and Howard anyway?  And neither of them spent months trapped in the Land of Shadows completely by themselves, directly after practically begging not to be left alone and then getting ditched in a reflective maze with an evil embodiment of themselves trying to get them…

Holy cheese, how did Julian stay so happy all of the time?

“How did you figure it out?”  He hoped the Nomicon didn’t chew him out later, because he knew Howard sure would.  But Julian looked so pleased to have figured out the truth, and really, he trusted Julian.  And he was determined not to give Julian any reason to lose that trust.

“Well, you did have that powerful magical ball at my birthday party.  And after evil me and myself reunited, I received his memories.  I know about all the battles you had, and you, Randall, are never present when the ninja is around.  Plus, the way you and Howard acted in the Land of Shadows…  Howard doesn’t behave that way around anyone but you.  It really just took placing together all of the pieces.  I…”  He paused, and his pale face was getting pinker.  “I suppose I paid more attention to you after you gave me the golden doctor’s note.  I’ve always liked you, but after that, my little crush on you got more serious.  And every time you saw fit to be friendly with me, it grew a bit more…”

“Wow.”  He could almost hear Howard mocking him for being _smooth_ again.  He cleared his throat and tried once more.  “The way you acted after evil Julian merged with you, I thought you forgot most of that.  I didn’t know you just ended up knowing _more_.”

“I’m not stupid.” Julian frowned, just a bit.  “If I’d told you this back then, you wouldn’t have reacted so favorably.  I don’t know what’s happened in the past few months to change your opinion of me, but I’m grateful.  Please don’t think I’m not!  I just know you would have been suspicious of my intentions at that time.  So I didn’t say anything.”

“You’ve known for almost half a year and you haven’t said a word?”  Julian nodded, and Randy forced aside those feelings of guilt.  They weren’t going to help.  He needed to stop pitying Julian and himself and work on making it up to him.  He needed...  He needed to be a good boyfriend!  Yes, that’s what they were, right?  They were boyfriends, and Randy was going to be great at this!

Even if he’d never dated anyone before.  Even if his parents didn’t know he liked boys too.  Even if Howard and Julian didn’t exactly get along.

This was going to work, because he was going to make it work.  He’d work hard to make it happen!  Because he really, truly did like Julian, and Julian deserved to be treated the best Randy _could_ treat him.  He was going to mess up, that was inevitable, but it would work out.  It had to…!

“Randall?”  Randy’s worried musing ceased as Julian took his hands within his own.  He was smiling again, and Randy felt himself do the same.

“Yeah?”  He really wanted to kiss Julian right now, he realized.  Like, he _really_ wanted to kiss Julian.  It was a normal enough desire, he supposed, since they were dating now and all.  At least, he was pretty sure it was.  Was it okay to kiss if they hadn’t been on a date yet?  They could go on one after school, he supposed.  If they could shake Howard.  Or if Howard thought it was too snasty to tag along. Or—

“You’ve been distracted lately.  As the ninja, I mean.  Now I can see it’s as _Randy_ too.”  Randy flushed a bit again, and Julian giggled.  Great, even his new boyfriend could see how spacey he was being…!

“I have this ancient book of ninja secrets called the Nomicon…”  He explained the book and what it had said, as well as Howard’s part in everything, and the incident at Charlie Clucker’s.  Julian found the whole thing rather amusing, and he rolled his eyes when Randy made him promise not to tell anyone.  Well, except Howard, because he already knew.

“I’d be more surprised if Howard didn’t know, honestly.”  Julian paused and tapped his fingers to his cheek, then smiled mischievously at Randy.  “Well, _ninja_ , if you want my silence, perhaps you can buy it.  Say, with a kiss?”

“That’s a steep price,” Randy played along, leaning in closer, “but I guess if I have no choice…”

Randy hadn’t been sure what kissing Julian was going to be like, but he hadn’t really thought it would taste like cherries.  Whatever Julian had on his lips, it was sweet, and it explained why the sensation was so very soft and smooth.  Any lingering doubts about being with Julian vanished when he realized that kissing him was completely pleasurable.

He once again had to push down his guilt when he realized that Julian had been right—if he’d known about Julian’s feelings for him or that Julian knew he was the ninja even a few months ago, he likely would have avoided him.  He certainly wouldn’t have asked him out.  And that was taking into account that, by that point, he’d started to realize that he perhaps liked Julian more than he’d thought.  In fact, if Howard hadn’t pushed it, he wouldn’t be there at that moment, Julian humming softly into their kiss.

After a while, Julian pulled back, looking shyly at Randy.  He looked so... _enticing_.  It made Randy want to pull him back in and kiss him harder. 

“Was that acceptable?” he asked, biting his bottom lip gently. Did he really think Randy was going to say it had been _bad_?  Man, they needed to start working on _that_ little issue, stat.

“If by acceptable you mean, the brucest thing I’ve ever done, then yes.”  Julian’s expression brightened, and Randy couldn’t help it—he placed another kiss to his lips, pulling back before his boyfriend had a chance to do anything further.  The pout he received was worth it.  “I really hate to say this, but lunch will be over soon.  And though I’d _totally_ rather stay here and kiss some more, we can’t really go on a date after school if we get detention, can we?”

“Date?  You’ll take me on a date?  Today?”  He looked so eager that Randy had to chuckle.

“It’s not like we need to hide it with people like Heidi and Debbie Kang around.  And really, I think I have enough to hide anyway.”  He stood up and offered Julian his hand, which was readily accepted.  They began to leave the classroom, neither making a move to break contact.  “I know it’s October, but I was thinking ice cream…”

“That sounds delightful!”

And as they headed back to the populated part of the school, Randy let himself stop thinking about his remorse, and things that could go wrong with Julian knowing he was the ninja, and Howard and Julian’s strained relationship.  He focused on the feel of Julian’s hand and the knowledge that his feelings were returned.  Life was looking up.  Maybe tenth grade would change everything around.

He didn’t notice the wispy pink smoke drifting from a nearby air vent…


	2. Chapter 2

When Randy and Julian went their separate ways—Julian insisting he was fine, he didn’t need to be escorted home, which was odd but Randy didn’t press it—the sun was setting.  The date had gone very well, and somehow Randy was sure that the kisses they’d shared had been sweeter than the ice cream they’d eaten.

…He immediately followed up that thought with, ‘ _What the juice, that was so cheesy_ ,’ but it didn’t change his opinion at all.

Upon reaching his house, he walked inside and was greeted with the sound of his mother humming in the kitchen.  He yelled out a greeting to her, ready to go to his room until she called him down for dinner, when her voice stopped him.

“Randy, sweetie, come in here please.  There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Randy cringed; he hadn’t been serious about his mother finding out about him and Julian because of Heidi, but maybe she had finally given in and started watching the show?  He forced himself to calm down; maybe it wasn’t even about Julian.  Not that he was sure what else she could want to talk about, but he knew he couldn’t be so paranoid.  Even if it was about Julian, well, she was going to find out eventually, right?

“What’s up, mom?”  His mother sat at the dinner table, smiling pleasantly.  Well, whatever was happening, at least she didn’t seem mad.  “Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s fine.  In fact, your father called earlier today.  His meeting went so well that he’ll be home a week early.”  Randy sighed, relieved that was all she’d wanted to say.  “Oh, and I saw Howard when I was out getting the mail.  I thought it was strange that you weren’t with him, but he told me about your little date with Julia!”

Randy might have been scared if he weren’t so confused.  Had his mother misheard, or was Howard playing at something?

“Are you sure he said _Julia_?” he asked, half wondering if he should just play along instead.  But he imagined how cheesed off Julian would be if he asked him to lie and pretend he was a girl after they’d been dating for a few hours.  It faintly occurred to him that Julian would probably look _really_ good in a dress, but he pushed that aside for later.  Priorities.

“If you’re asking me that, I guess he didn’t.”  She frowned a bit, though she looked confused, not upset.  “You know, at first I thought he said Julian, but I thought I must have heard him wrong.  Julian’s that boy in your class that’s weird and creepy, right?”

“Julian isn’t weird and creepy,” he snapped, before he realized who he was talking to.  Flushed with embarrassment, he muttered an apology.  His mother laughed quietly at his reaction.

“I only said that because _you’ve_ spent the last ten years saying it.  He’s been perfectly polite and well-behaved every time I’ve seen him.  Mind you, that was when you were ten and I made you invite all the boys in your class to your birthday party, but he got you that nice Grave Puncher action figure you wanted that was so rare and expensive.  I’d looked _everywhere_ to get you one!  It was so nice of him, and you and Howard just ignored him the entire time.  I was so disappointed in you…”

Randy had completely forgotten that.  He still had that action figure, and it was worth even more now than it was five years ago when it was new.  Julian had somehow gotten that for him, hadn’t he?  And he’d shown up at Julian’s party the prior year with nothing except the start of a terrible few months for both of them.  Well, he wasn’t going to make the same mistake this year.  Julian’s sixteenth birthday was going to be the brucest thing _ever_ , and the present he’d get would be the _cheese_.

Somehow.  But first, priorities.

“I’ve done a lot of wonk things to Julian that I’m not proud of,” he admitted, trying to ignore his mother’s stunned expression and her proud whisper of “ _My baby’s growing up_!”  Parents.  “But I’m trying to make it up to him.  I, uh…  I like Julian.  A lot.  I asked him out today, and he likes me to.  We went on a date today and got ice cream.”

Julian loved ice cream, and Randy found that he really loved watching Julian eat ice cream.  He blamed hormones.

“So you’re dating a boy?”  Randy nodded, fear welling up inside of him despite knowing that his parents weren’t homophobic or biphobic or hell, even arachnophobic, though he prayed Julian was done being stanked with the Sorcerer gone.  The fear was quickly gone once his mother suddenly had him in a bear hug.  “Oh honey, that’s great!  I was wondering when you’d finally find someone you liked!  Oh, your father will be so relieved.  We were both so sure you’d end up with Howard.”

Randy almost gagged at the thought.

“No mom, I swear, it has never been Howard and will never be Howard.  Besides, I liked _Theresa_ last year!  Why would you guys think _that_?”  She gave him a “ _You know why_ ” look, and he had to admit, he did.  They were wrong, but he understood it all the same.  “Anyway!  I’m dating Julian, not Howard.  So I guess I might bring him over sometimes?  If that’s alright?”

He didn’t think he’d be allowed to bring a girl home for anything more than strictly supervised homework and dinner, but he couldn’t exactly get Julian pregnant either.  And they’d only just started dating.  They weren’t going to be doing more than kissing for a while, he figured.

“I don’t see why not.  It would do you some good to have some other company around than just Howard all the time.”  Despite all the flack she was giving him, he knew his mom did like Howard.  They wouldn’t have moved next door to the Weinerman’s if his parents didn’t.  Yeah, he supposed he saw exactly why they’d mistakenly thought maybe he and Howard were more than friends.  “I don’t need to give you any talks, I hope…?”

Randy blushed bright red again, assuring her that no, that wouldn’t be necessary.  She laughed and told him to wash up before dinner, sending him off with a kiss on the forehead that he didn’t wipe off until he was out of the kitchen.

Well, he thought as he went to do as she’d asked, that had gone well!  His mom was okay with Julian, and it sounded like his dad would be too!  If they could get the same reaction from _Julian’s_ parents…

As he washed his hands, another thought occurred to him—why was Julian so adamant that Randy not go to his house?  And where had he gotten the kind of cash to get him that present when they were ten?  And Julian’s fifteen’s birthday party couldn’t have been cheap either…

He didn’t even know where Julian lived, let alone what his parents or home life were like.  He had a lot of catching up to do before that “good boyfriend” title would be his…

\---

Randy couldn’t wait until something interesting happened so he and Julian wouldn’t be the talk of the school anymore.  They’d met at their lockers that morning and Julian had greeted him with a chaste kiss, which led to giggling girls and Howard’s over exaggerated gagging.  They had a few classes together—though Julian was in AP classes, so not too many—and they sat next to each other when possible.  Randy caught Howard and Julian giving each other less than impressed looks throughout the morning, but he ignored it.  But at lunch…

“Don’t you have other shoobs to sit with?”  Julian frowned, but he didn’t make a move to leave.  Randy glared at Howard, who of course was eating food with Randy’s money.  “What?  He has those Klub friends, doesn’t he?”

“Der Monster Klub disbanded after the _incident_ last year,” Julian answered calmly, though his expression clearly showed his irritation.  “And besides, talking to me right now is a bit painful for Theresa.  I don’t want to hurt her anymore than she already is.”

Randy peeked over to see the girl in question sitting with Debbie and Rachel.  She wasn’t talking much, but she didn’t look nearly as sad as she had the day before.  But he remembered that Julian and Theresa were first cousins, so he supposed Julian knew her better than he did.

“Oh right,” Howard said, his tone telling Randy that he was about to say something really wonk, “the incident where you humiliated your only friends and then tried to stop the ninja from destaking them.  Hey, you haven’t worn your underwear five days in a row, have you?  That’s pretty snasty, and we don’t need a big spider ruining the school!”

Randy was ready to tell Howard off, but he never got the chance.

“First, they’ve all forgiven me for my terrible transgressions, so I don’t need _you_ to tell me how horribly I acted.”  His voice dropped down to a hiss.  “Second, I know the ninja has forgiven me as well.  And third, I know why students became monsters, and I know why it can’t happen anymore.  Or has Randall not told you that I know?”

“He knows?”  Howard turned his glare on Randy.  “Why did you tell this shoob?”

“He’s not a shoob!”  A few eyes turned to them at his outburst, and he lowered his voice as the others had.  “And I didn’t _tell_ him, he already knew.  We weren’t exactly subtle when we left the Land of Shadows.”

“You could have denied it!”

Randy had just about enough of all the arguing.  There was no way he could put up with this every single day.

“I’m not going to deny it to my _boyfriend_.  We’re dating, if you somehow forgot.  So maybe you could lay off calling him a shoob, especially when we’re _both_ right here.”

“And maybe you should have dated someone who isn’t a creepy shoob if you don’t want me saying it!”

“Howard,” he yelled, not caring who heard anymore, “I swear—”

“R-Randall?  I think we need to leave.  Now, please.”

Julian’s terrified tone immediately had Randy’s attention.  He looked to Julian, who was shaking and pointing at Howard.  Randy turned back and really _looked_ at his friend, and he was on his feet in an instant, grabbing Julian’s hand and pulling him out of the cafeteria.  A pink haze swirled around Howard, much like the green stank had.  They had just left the room when Randy heard the inhuman roaring, followed by the screams of students.

Randy led Julian to a safe, deserted place, then whipped out his mask.  He put it on without even thinking, and though Julian knew he was the ninja, his boyfriend still looked rather awestruck at the transformation.

“Stay here, please.”  Randy was pretty sure Julian didn’t need to be told that, but he felt the need to say it all the same.  “This stank is new.  Let’s just hope it works the same way…”

He knew why Howard had gotten so upset—jealousy was almost as common an emotion to get stanked over as fear or embarrassment.  And he sure as hell wasn’t going to destroy Julian to destank Howard, so he was going to need to reason with him and hope it worked.

“Be careful…”  Randy, not needing Julian getting stanked too, lifted up his mask just enough to dart in a quickly peck his lips.  That, he supposed, wasn’t really being careful, but everyone was too panicked from the attack to pay attention to them.  Julian’s tiny smile afterwards was worth it.  “You’d better go stop him now...”

Randy nodded and headed back to the cafeteria.  He had to duck flying chairs as he entered, and he stopped abruptly as he saw Howard’s stanked form.  Howard had never actually been stanked before, and it was a little eerie how similar he looked now as he did when he was possessed by the tengu. Only now he was a bit smaller than the tengu, but with sharp talons, sharper teeth, and pitch black feathers rather than the colorful ones the tengu had.

Of course, Howard not having been stanked before meant he didn’t know if this worked the same way, but he had to try.

“Student who I do not know,” he began, in case anyone was listening, “I know you’re upset that the bro dynamic—bronamic?  Yeah, the bromanic—that you and your friend had is different now that he’s dating that other boy who I don’t know, and you’re jealous.  That’s understandable, but getting stanked and destroying the school isn’t going to help anything!”

Howard replied by throwing a table at him.  That was rather rude, but he hadn’t expected it to be _that_ easy anyway.  He surveyed the room, seeing that they were alone.  He did a few fancy jumps, dodging everything thrown at him, until he was close to the bird-like monster.

“Come on Howard, you were oddly supportive yesterday!  What the juice changed?”  Howard roared, and Randy hoped he didn’t have to resort to actually fighting him.  He would if he had to, but he really, _really_ didn’t want it to come to that.  “We’re still best friends, and we’ll still hang out, just the two of us.  But Julian’s really important to me, and I need to be with him sometimes too.  Sometimes alone, and sometimes with both of you.  So it would be really great if you could just be happy for me.”

Howard’s roars quieted to growls, and Randy watched in relief as the pink stank began to rise above the monster.  Seconds later, the fully human Howard fell to the ground with a thud.

“Argh, what happened?”  Howard sat up and looked around the destroyed cafeteria.  “Well, there goes Shangri-Lunch…  Again…”

“Yeah, you really shoobed it up.”  Howard’s glare sobered Randy immediately.  “Anyway!  What do you remember?  Anything I said?”

“Everything,” Howard answered with a nod, shakily standing.  “I was really mad, I turned into a monster, I was still mad even with all the cheesy crap you said, and then you basically called me a jerk who didn’t want you to be happy, and…  I guess I _kind of_ was acting that way.  I mean, look, me and Julian aren’t going to magically start liking each other, but I guess I can at least stop calling him a creepy shoob.  Just for you.”

Randy clasped Howard on the shoulder, smiling under his mask.  That was good enough for him.

“That’s great buddy.  I’m glad you’ll try, and I’m sure Julian will to.”  Howard didn’t look pleased to admit that Julian _definitely_ would put forth more of an effort than he would, but he did indeed admit it.  “And Howard?”

“Yeah?”

“Smoke Bomb!”

The shout of “Cunningham, that stinks!” he got in response was _totally_ worth it.

…Though maybe not as nice as the kiss he got when he returned to Julian’s side and told him that Howard shouldn’t be such a jerk anymore.  But he didn’t tell Howard that.

\---

“How the juice did that happen when the Sorcerer is gone?”

One of the “classes” Randy and Julian shared was study hall, which Howard also had with them.  They’d all gotten permission to go outside for the duration of the period.  It was getting colder, and Randy used the excuse to sit as close to Julian as he could.  Julian certainly didn’t protest, and Howard at least didn’t say anything about it.

“I don’t know,” Randy admitted, furrowing his brow.  “And it was pink…”

“The Sorceress?”  Randy and Howard both turned to Julian, surprise on their faces.  Julian frowned, just a little.  “Surely you remember that I was there when Amanda was around, making me rather obsessed with her with her magic.  And then there was that “party,” which I also attended.  Didn’t she turn your sister into a dog monster, Howard?”

Howard nodded, and Randy realized something very important.

“And I stopped her by trapping her back in the Land of Shadows!  Julian, did Taylor _really_ talk to you?”

“Of course he did.”  Julian’s frown was deeper now, and Randy knew he’d said the wrong thing.  “Randall, I realize that I do indeed come off as _creepy_ , but I’ll again say that I’m not stupid, nor am I _insane_.  I didn’t pull those directions to get us out from thin air.  We all know that I’m no magician…”

Randy struggled for the right words to say.  _I’m sorry_ was going to lose its meaning at this rate, but he had a lot to apologize for.  And he really didn’t need to be adding things to that list.

“Great, so you brought the Sorceress back with you?”  With two glares pinned on him, Howard sighed and shook his head.  “Alright, whatever.  Cunningham has shoobed up more stuff that you have anyway.  He can just put her right back there.”

“Right,” Randy agreed, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt.  “Besides, we don’t even know that’s how she got out, _if_ this is really her.  No one is blaming you Julian, I swear.  Not even Howard.  _Right_?”

Howard sighed again and nodded, and Randy wished he’d put more sincerity into it, but this was the best he was going to get.  At least he hadn’t made Julian cry.

“…If you say so.”

They didn’t talk anymore about the Sorceress that period, and Randy hoped that they were wrong and _never_ had to again.

\---

“Your house?”  Julian thought for a moment before nodding.  Randy noted that he looked much happier than he had during study hall.  “Yes, that sounds delightful.  But your parents…”

“My dad is away on a business trip, and my mom, uh, kinda of knows we’re dating?”  It had completely slipped his mind to tell Julian about what had happened the night before.  “ _Someone_ told her about our date yesterday.”

“I figured she’d think I was joking.”  Howard couldn’t have sounded less remorseful if he tried.

“She thought you said I was on a date with Julia.  I had to tell her you said _Julian_.”  Well, he didn’t _have to_ , he supposed, but Julian’s eyes all but sparkled at the admission, so he was glad he’d done it.  “She’s cool with it.  She remembers you from my birthdays when I was younger, and she thinks you’re polite and all that stuff.”

“You turned ten the last time I was at your abode,” Julian mused, “and you and Howard ignored everyone else who attended your party.”

Randy flinched again, laughing nervously.  He wasn’t all that shocked that Julian remembered though.

“I was a shoob, I know.  You got me that great gift too!”  He decided to take a chance and see how Julian reacted to his biggest question.  “How did you get me such an expensive toy anyway?”

“I didn’t think you’d remember that,” Julian answered, surprise written on his face that made Randy want to start apologizing for all over again.  “It was nothing, really.  I knew you wanted it, and I had the pocket money for it.  My parents secured it for me.”

He wanted to ask more, but he realized it might be wiser to wait until Howard wasn’t there.  He didn’t think Julian realized actually how much allowance a ten-year-old would have to save to get something like _that_.

They soon reached the Weinerman and Cunningham homes, and Howard didn’t even attempt to follow them as they entered Randy’s house.  He called out for his mother, and heard her answer from upstairs.  He gestured for Julian to follow him.

“You don’t take off your shoes first?”  Randy shot him a confused look, and Julian quickly dropped it.  His suspicions of Julian’s home life were getting more and more confirmed.

They went upstairs, finding Randy’s mother in her bedroom, putting away some laundry.  She smiled widely upon seeing Julian.

“Julian, hello!  It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”  She strode over and wrapped him in a hug.  When she pulled away, Randy noted that he looked a bit taken aback.  Didn’t his parents hug him?  “I guess I’ll be seeing a lot of you now that you’re dating my son, hmm?”

Recovering, Julian giggled and nodded, threading his fingers into Randy’s hand and squeezing gently.

“I certainly hope so, Mrs. Cunningham.  So long as that’s alright with you and Mr. Cunningham?”

His mother looked thrilled to have someone _ask_ if it was all right to come over instead of just barging in.  Years of late night Howard visits must have gotten to her, he assumed.

“Oh honey, you can come over anytime you’d like!  It will be a _pleasure_.”

Randy watched the two talking amicably and grinned.  His mother practically melted when she heard Julian call him _Randall_.  He didn’t, after all, allow anyone else to call him by his full name so casually, but Julian was the exception.  He hadn’t even had a crush on Julian when it had first started, but he’d allowed it without a fuss.  She seemed to see just how much they liked each other, new relationship or not.

He allowed his worries from the day to leave his mind and instead he focused on how nice it was to have his family accept him and Julian.  Even Howard accepted it, in his own way.  Life was looking good!

…He pushed away the nagging thought that this peace wasn’t going to last.


	3. Chapter 3

It only took two days before the Ninja was needed again.

“At least I know the monsters are different now…”

In retrospect, maybe he should have listened to Julian when he said that Theresa wasn’t really as happy as she looked.  And maybe, just maybe, he should have tried talking to her.  They’d both liked each other, and everyone had known it, but he’d moved on before anything had happened.  She hadn’t.  That lack of closure finally hit its breaking point in between second and third period, when Randy had stopped outside the chemistry lab—where Julian had his next class—and kissed his boyfriend before he had to get to his own history class.  Theresa, as it turned out, was in Julian’s class that period.

And now she was a six-foot monkey monster, and Randy really wanted to know where she’d found enough batons to have one for both hands _and_ her tail.

“Young lady,” he called, not wanting to get too personal while there were still a few students lingering, “there’s really no need for violence!  Surely we can— Hey, watch where you’re swinging those things!”

Theresa didn’t look like she wanted to talk, but that was just too bad.  For a second time, Julian was the cause of the jealousy which prompted the pink stank to take over, and Randy was no more willing to sacrifice his boyfriend now than he was when Howard had been the target.  As he dodged a swing of an insanely fast baton, he prayed that no one else was hiding a secret crush on him, because this was getting ridiculous.

“Theresa, please stop this!”  Randy froze for a moment, almost getting smacked in the face, though he managed to dodge in the nick of time.  Everyone finally seemed to have run away, except for the one person Randy truly wished had gotten to safety.  “You have no right to be upset with Randall!”

Theresa spun around to face her cousin, who was shaking where he stood.  Randy had to admit that Julian was being particularly brave, but also extremely foolhardy.  If Julian got hurt because of ninja business, Randy knew he’d never be able to forgive himself.

“Ran…dy…”  Theresa’s guttural rasping made it clear how upset she was.  Randy had a hard time thinking she’d really liked him _that_ much to be so upset that he hadn’t chosen her.  Had her crush really been so serious?  “Stole…  Stole Randy!”

It was hard to tell who was more surprised when Julian, rather than backing down, marched closer to her and glared.  Randy thought that maybe it was actually Theresa.  She did, after all, drop the baton her tail had been twirling.  He rushed over and scooped it up, then did a flip to land behind Julian.  If things went south, he could grab his boyfriend and jet.

“I did not _steal_ him.  Randall is not a prize to be won.  And I never, ever once tried to take his attention from you, despite your knowledge that I’ve cared for him for many more years than you have.  Your insinuation is _insulting_.”  Julian shook as he spoke, and Randy wasn’t sure if it was from fear or anger.  “I _adore_ him Theresa, you know that.  You also know that I would have kept it to myself if he’d decided to date you.  Can’t you just be happy for me?  Can’t you just let me have this one thing?  Everything I do is a failure…  Just give me this one joy in life, _please_!”

The response was immediate—the pink stank dissipated as Theresa returned to normal.  Julian rushed forward to help her steady herself, and Randy noticed right away that there were unshed tears in both of their eyes.

Without another word, he slinked off, knowing that this was something he needed to let them handle on their own.

\---

Classes continued as normally as they could for the rest of the day, and when it was time to go home, Randy was surprised to see Howard take off without him.  That was fine; he wanted to talk to Julian alone anyway, since he hadn’t had the chance to all day.

“You know, that was the brucest thing I’ve seen you do, but I’m really tempted to call you a total shoob too.  You could have gotten hurt!”

Julian smiled, and though it looked a bit strained, Randy didn’t doubt that it was genuine.  Not when Julian squeezed his hand affectionately.

“I realize that was rather risky, but I couldn’t allow the two most important people in my life to fight, and she _was_ in the wrong.  But everything should be alright now.”  Randy was tempted to ask what happened after he left, but he thought better of it.  Julian would tell him if he wanted Randy to know.  “Randall, may I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“…Do you think I truly brought the Sorceress back from the Land of Shadows?”

Randy considered lying, but he figured Julian would appreciate the truth more than false comfort.

“I think it’s pretty likely, but I’m not blaming you for anything, okay?  You didn’t know, and it’s not like me or Howard tried to stop you if you did.”

Julian didn’t say anything for a while as they walked.  Randy didn’t either, but that was mostly because he realized that his boyfriend was on auto-pilot, and they were walking somewhere Randy had never been.  Someplace, he realized, that would likely end up being Julian’s house.  So he stayed quiet, following along.  When they finally stopped, they were in a wealthy part of town, with nice big, fancy houses.  The house in question was a rich forest green, gated with a black iron fence.  The nameplate read “Crane.”

“O-oh,” Julian stammered as he seemed to realize what he’d done.  “Um, this isn’t what I meant to do.”

“Hey, it’s fine.  My mom won’t expect me back for a while anyway, and I’ve never actually met your parents, you know.”  Julian did seem to know, and he looked concerned.  It made Randy hesitate.  “But, hey, if you don’t think I should meet them, it’s fine, I’ll—”

“No, please, do come in.  My parents surely are curious to meet you.  I fear I rarely go long without mentioning you in some capacity.”  Julian smiled, though it was still tinged with trepidation.  He then opened a panel on the gate and punched in a security code.  The gate unlocked, allowing them entrance, with the gate swinging heavily behind them and locking loudly.  “I should warn you though that they’re rather… eccentric.”

Randy wisely kept his comments of _“it must run in the family”_ to himself.

“I figured as much.  I mean, they didn’t even realize when the evil you took your place.”

And at Julian’s sharp glare, he knew he really should have kept _that_ to himself too.

“Don’t misunderstand, Randall.  My parents are neither neglectful nor abusive.  They’re very busy, but I don’t doubt their affection.  The time I was trapped in the Land of Shadows just so happened to coincide with Father being out of state for a conference, and Papa had so many jobs going on at once that he was severely sleep deprived.  I hold no ill-will towards either of them for not knowing.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry Juli—wait.”  He ran Julian’s words through his mind again.  “Did you just say…?”

“Yes.”  Julian didn’t look irritated anymore, but he didn’t seem embarrassed either.  That meant that whatever Julian had been trying to hide, it wasn’t his unique family structure.  “Given the state of our relationship, I doubt you’ll mind?”

“No, I just had no idea.”

“Well, that will save you the shock later, I suppose.  Papa is my biological father, and Father is his husband.  They had a friend—Theresa’s aunt—be their surrogate.  Though she’s my mother, I call her Auntie.”  Julian paused and tapped his chin in thought, and Randy was stuck once again with how adorable his boyfriend’s mannerisms were.  He’d have kissed Julian right there and then if the threat of parents wasn’t looming over him.  “I suppose it’s odd...”

“Are you kidding?  That’s pretty cool.”  And something Randy felt he should have known already.  Julian didn’t seem to hide the fact that he had two fathers.  How many of their classmates already knew that?  He was almost afraid to know the answer.  “What do they do?  I mean, I can see you’re loaded.”

There it was.  That flushed face and slight flinch.  Julian was embarrassed because he was rich, which hadn’t really make sense to Randy when he’d first thought of the possibility, but now that he’d had time to think about it, it _did_ make sense.  Julian wasn’t exactly the most popular guy at school, and the thought that people might only want to be friends with him if they knew he was wealthy must have made him cautious about who he let know about it.  It made _perfect_ sense, actually, and Randy was proud of himself for figuring it out.

“Father is the head of the psychology department at Norissville University, and Papa is a freelance computer technician.”  Julian flushed a little redder when Randy let out a whistle.  “Randall, please.  It’s nothing to be impressed about.  Yes, we have money to spare, but it’s hardly important.”

Randy had heard of the term “spoiled sweet” before, and he now had living proof that it was in fact possible for someone to be rich and not be a giant jerk.  The custom tailored clothes, the lavish birthday parties, the ability to give expensive gifts without batting an eye…  Looking back, it was obvious Julian had a wealthy family, though Randy never even suspected it with how Julian had always acted.

…Sweet cheese, Julian was just too much, in the best way.

“Anyway, we should head inside.  No doubt they heard the security chime and are wondering why I haven’t entered yet.”  Julian grabbed Randy’s hand and led him inside, stopping at the doorway to slip off his shoes.  Randy followed suit, going slowly as he untied his sneakers so he could peak around without Julian knowing he was gawking.  Everything was so…  Modern.  Yet gothic.  There was a lot of black and purple and green, and it seemed at least one of his parents shared similar aesthetics as Julian.  “Father, Papa, I’m home.  I…  I have company with me.”

Randy had straightened up before a man was poking his head into the entryway, and Randy almost gasped at the shocking red hair the man had.  It popped out spectacularly with the bright green track suit he was wearing.  Julian subtly nudged him in the side and mouthed the word, “Dyed.”

“Welcome home Juli— Oh my god, Jon, get in here!  Julian finally brought his boyfriend over!”  The man rushed over to them and grabbed Randy’s hand in a rough handshake.  “Randy, it’s a pleasure to meet you!  Call me Eddie, alright?  Oh, Julian has been _over the moon_ since you started dating!  I haven’t seen him this happy since Jon finally caved and got him that tarantula he wanted.”

“Papa…”  Julian was blushing, but he was smiling nonetheless.  He turned to Randy and smiled a little wider, which sent Randy’s heartbeat soaring.  “I’ll show you Aria once we get to my room.  I got her on my last birthday.  I really wanted a bat, but Father…  Well, he isn’t very fond of bats.”

“That’s an understatement!  Jon’s only got one fear, and that’s bats.  Isn’t that right, _sweetheart_?”

Randy jumped as he finally noticed that another figure had entered the room.  Though how he managed to miss such a very tall man eluded him.  The brunet man looked at his husband over his glasses disapprovingly, though there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

“I think that’s quite enough, Edward, _darling_.  Julian hardly brought his boyfriend over to hear about me.”  Despite Julian’s parents using pet names sarcastically, Randy didn’t get the feeling that they were anything but happy with each other.  He hoped that in twenty years he and Julian would be comfortable enough to tease each other mercilessly.  “Greetings, Randall.  It’s wonderful to see you finally acknowledging our son’s existence.  It certainly took a while.”

Julian glanced at Randy again, biting his lip nervously.  Randy got the feeling that maybe his financial state wasn’t the only thing Julian had been worried about him learning.

“It did,” he admitted, holding the man’s sharp gaze.  “I was a complete jerk to Julian for a long time, but I’m doing my best to make up for it.  I really, _really_ care about him.  I swear I’m not gonna let him down again.”

Julian’s father— _Jon_ , Randy reminded himself—held his gaze for a nerve-wreckingly long time, before he gave a sharp nod.  He heard Julian let out a sigh of relief, and Randy had to stop himself from doing the same.

“Very well.  I’ll hold you to that.”

Randy was never more grateful in his life when Julian grabbed his hand and asked permission to show Randy his room.  Eddie, thankfully, gave his approval, though the wink he gave them when he warned to “keep it PG” made Randy’s face heat up.

“I apologize for Father’s behavior,” Julian said once they were upstairs and out of hearing range.  “Papa was very pleased when I told them we started dating, but Father was convinced it was a trick on your part.  He couldn’t seem to accept that you’re serious about this.”

“I didn’t really give him any reason to think I was, if we’re being honest.”  Julian didn’t respond, but he squeezed Randy’s hand, and that was all he needed.  “I guess he’s okay now though.  At least enough not to kill me.”

“You’ll be fine,” Julian assured him.  Finally, they stopped at the end of the hallway, where there was a black door with a purple plaque—decorated with spider webs over it—which read Julian’s name.  “Here we are.  Now, please watch out when I open the door.  I know you can’t see them, but I’m sure they’re around here somewhere.”

Before Randy could ask who _they_ were, Julian opened the door and two furry rockets shot into the room.  Once it was clear, Julian held the door open and allowed Randy in.

The room was very Julian.

Everything was black and purple, gothic and spooky.  It was like a fancier, more tasteful version of a Halloween store.  And on Julian’s ridiculously large four-post bed—was that bedding _satin_?—sat two cats.  Regular looking shorthaired housecats, one black and one orange tabby.  On a dresser by the bed was a terrarium with a large, hairy spider in it.

“Aria,” Julian announced, gesturing to the tarantula.  “Also, Crow and Enigma.  They aren’t allowed in my room when I’m not present since I obtained Aria, so they seem to think they need to be in here every single second I _am_.”

Randy looked around the room, at the décor and the pets and the boy who called it home, and his face split into a grin.  Everything was so strange and unique and _Julian_ and he loved it.  He loved that he’d finally opened his eyes and realized this was the boy he wanted to be with.  He loved…

“I love you.”

He loved Julian.

“O-oh, Randall….”  Despite what Heidi had edited, Randy hadn’t actually said those words to Julian yet, and maybe it was _still_ too early to say them, but with every fiber of his being, he meant it.  He truly loved Julian, and he’d been a shoob to ever deny it.  “I love you too!  So much!”

He suddenly had an armful of Julian kissing him, and Randy was pretty sure there was nowhere he wanted to be more than this, and he was positive there was no one else he more wanted to be _with_.

Life couldn’t get better.

\---

…Life could, however, get worse.

“…You’re not sad or jealous or mad or anything, right?”

Julian giggled and shook his head, eating his sandwich as if the lunch room hadn’t just been destroyed again an hour earlier.  With as often as it happened, everyone was just learning to live with it.

“No, I’m actually quite content compared to last year.  More so than most of our other classmates, at the very least.  Stevens really must stop being such a playboy if he wants his various girlfriends to stay human.”

“Tell me about it.”  The bruises he had from Flute Girl turning into some sort of lioness monster and pouncing on him were more than enough to wish he could just stop Stevens from flirting altogether.  “This pink stank is getting out of control.  I might need to find the source of it instead of waiting for it to show itself.  Even if it’s not the Sorceress, I don’t want to keep dealing with this all year like I did last year.”

Julian hummed in response, a pensive look on his face.  Randy ate his fries quietly, though he wondered where Howard was.  It wasn’t like him to miss lunch, especially since Randy always seemed to be the one paying for it.  Howard hadn’t been around all that much in general, now that he thought about it.  It had only been a few days since that first afternoon when Howard went home without him, but that was more than they’d been apart for pretty much their entire lives.

It was only slightly concerning for Randy to realize he hadn’t really noticed Howard’s absence.

“Randall, have you noticed that all of these incidents have revolved around romantic relationships in some capacity?”

He hadn’t, but Randy will be the first to admit that he missed some big flashing neon warning signs sometimes.  He thought back to every instance of pink stank and indeed, there seemed to be a pattern.  Howard was upset about Randy’s relationship, as was Theresa.  Their reasons differed, but they did have a common thread.  Flute Girl was upset that Stevens couldn’t stop flirting with every girl he came across.  Various classmates he barely knew all were having trouble with a crush or significant other.

“Man, if you’d been helping me from the start instead of Howard, I might not have shoobed up so much.”  Julian’s rather smug grin told a thousand words.  “Well, the Sorceress did seem pretty fixated on love, so that makes sense.  At least that will cut down on the amount of people getting stanked.  It’s still honkin’ annoying though.  I’ll have to break into the school some night soon and see what I can find.”

“…May I help you?”

Randy was tempted to say no immediately.  He didn’t want Julian wrapped up in this; he didn’t want Julian getting hurt.  But Julian looked so eager, and he was smart and perceptive.  He could definitely help in that regard, even if he couldn’t help in a fight.  It wasn’t as if Howard had ever been able to do that, anyway.  And like it or not, Julian was part of this now…

“Okay.  But only if you promise you won’t take any more risks like you did with Theresa.  I’m not going to face your parents’ wrath if you get hurt.” He didn’t mention that it would kill him to see Julian get injured.  He’d said enough sappy things since they’d started dating without needing to add more cheesy melodramatic stuff out there.  “Can you do that?”

“I promise.  I’ll be careful.”

Randy nodded and smiled, reaching across the table to thread his fingers with Julian.  Julian’s hands were as soft and warm as they always were, and Randy, not for the first time and likely not for the last, thanked the stars that Julian loved him.

\---

They had a plan.

Julian had called his parents from school, asking if he could spend the weekend at Randy’s house.  Randy heard Eddie’s response loud and clear—yes, and keep it clean, kiddos.  They were both blushing after that, and lo-and-behold, Howard had chosen that very moment to show up and make a snide comment before disappearing just a quickly.  Randy hadn’t had time to analyze his best friend’s behavior though, as he and Julian worked out the times they’d sneak out for the school, and what they’d do there.

It was a simple mission, and they’d be back long before they were missed.  That also meant that they’d have plenty of time to spend together—Randy just had to get his mother’s permission, and then Julian could stay with him from the time they got out of school on Friday, till the time they had to go back on Monday.  He didn’t doubt his mother would agree so long as they got their homework done, and considering Julian was in tougher classes and had better grades, she’d probably welcome Julian to stay all the time if it meant Randy got his homework done correctly.

Once they parted ways and Randy got home, he was barely thinking about anything except his plans for the weekend, both ninja-related and simply Julian-related.  His mind occasionally strayed into those non-PG thoughts that Eddie warned against, and he reasoned with himself that it was natural for someone his age to think about more than kissing, even if they hadn’t been with their partner for that long.  He wondered if Julian ever thought of those things too.

It wasn’t until he was inside his house that he even realized that something was different.

“Randy, my boy!”  Randy was caught off guard as he was pulled into a crushing hug.  After a moment, he remembered his mother saying that his father was coming home from his big meeting early.  He stiffened slightly, hoping that this wouldn’t affect his plans.  Had his mother told his father…?  “How are you?  You’re grades okay?  Sleeping well?  Dating that girl you like yet?”

The last question was asked with a wink and a nudge, and Randy had his answer.

“About that…”  He didn’t know why, but he was nervous.  His mother knew.  Julian’s parents knew.  The entire school knew.  Telling his father should have been easy, and yet…!  “I’m going out with someone, but, uh, it’s not Theresa.”

His father’s face fell.

“Oh, I knew this day was going to come, I just _knew_ it.  At least tell me he’ll take your name.  Randy Weinerman just sounds _wrong_.”

Randy wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, so he just groaned instead.

“It’s _not_ Howard,” he stressed, “it’s Julian.  Julian Crane.  I’ve known him since daycare.”

“Oh, _him_!”   His father brightened up considerably.  “The boy you’ve spent the better part of a decade calling creepy?”

“Can we _not_ bring that up?  _Please_?”

Mr. Cunningham laughed and clasped his hand on Randy’s shoulder.  Randy was glad his parents were happy for him, but did everyone have to keep reminding him what a honkin’ shoob he’d been?

“He’s a good kid.  I’m glad you’re finally getting along!  It will be nice not to have Jonathan giving me dirty looks when we see each other on campus.  A protective one, that man is.”

Jonathan…?  He remembered Eddie calling his husband Jon.  That was sensible—his father was a professor in the English department at the same university Julian’s father worked at, so of course they’d know each other in some capacity.

“Has, um, he said something about me?”  _Something about what a shoob I’ve been to his son_ , he couldn’t bring himself to say.

“Other than that Julian has a _shine_ for you and it’s a pity you ignore him, no.  Nothing at all!”  Randy groaned again, louder this time.  “But hey, that’s in the past, right?  I didn’t really expect you to start dating the kid, but you could have done worse!  It could have been a Weinerman!”

Though he laughed it off, Randy heard the underlying relief in his father’s tone.

“Hey Dad, since you and Mom are, you know, okay with this…”

\---

It was an hour later when Randy was finally able to retreat to his room and call Julian’s cell.  It took only one ring before he answered.

“Randall, hello!  What did she say?”

Randy was glad Julian couldn’t see his ridiculously red face.

“She’s fine with it.  My dad just got home, and he said yes too.”  He left out the long lecture he got about puberty and taking things slow and proper protection if the urge was simply too much.  The less he had to think about his father explaining that he’d rather they do things right than try to remain abstinent and run into a problem, the better.  His father hadn’t even looked convinced when Randy assured him they weren’t going to take things even _close_ to that far.  Jeez, what was with adults?  “So I guess you’re fine to come over all weekend tomorrow, huh?”

Julian’s giggle was no less precious over the phone than it was in real life.  Randy pictured him doing that little thing with his hand and smiled.

“Yes, I’ll start packing right away!  Oh Randall, I’m so excited!  You and me, together for an entire weekend!  It will be so lovely!”

‘ _And Randy, your mom and I will be going to see my parents on Saturday, so I expect you to be well behaved.  I know the company you’ll be keeping is more responsible, but you’re in a relationship with this boy, and I remember being fifteen.  Remember everything I’ve told you, alright?_ ’

“Y-yeah, it’ll be the best!”

…He really hated hormones.


End file.
